Wow! I think I may be swotting up some time soon, thanks to the HULK exposure.





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Magic – A film review by BEAR!!!

Magic is directed by Richard Attenbough and stars that guy who played Hannibal Lector in The Silence of the Lambs, Anthony Hopkins. That’s all I knew about this psychological horror movie before my eyes did the watching. Let’s see what BEAR’s brain thinks of this film, in the form of another meandering review.

The movie opens with Corky, a magician who bombs in front of an audience at some club. He gets stressed-the-F-out ’cause no-one pays attention to his amazing card act. They all just act like he wasn’t there. I, a BEAR, understand that the audience doesn’t have to watch you if they’re not interested – you’re meant to be entertaining to¬†them, so the blame could be that you’re act’s a bit shit, mate. Anyway… so he flips out like one of his cards in the magic tricks he performs does (if they were looking) and goes home to his manager, Ben, who is asking lots of questions about the gig, and can tell that the guy is blatantly bullshitting him, saying it went well when it obliviously didn’t. I think Ben even uses the word “bullshit” when halting the guy’s feeble papering over the cracks, at one point.

The next time he performed there his act is a complete¬†success! He’s being scouted in the crowd by someone who gets him to bring his act to the TV screen. And you the reader may be asking, “How’s the audience loving his card tricks all of a sudden?” Well, it’s not just card tricks he’s doing now – he’s also got a ventriloquist act going on. And the star of the show isn’t him, but Fats, the rude-but-loveable dummy, whom sits upon his lap. They ate that shit up, y’all!

(Corky and Fats. N.B Corky is on the right. I thought I should just say that because they look so eerily similar, it’s like the maker of the dummy had seen Anthony Hopkins some place before, or perhaps channelled him [through a TV screen].)

Corky is happy (obviously) to accept the deal to be performing his act in a TV studio, but runs away when he’s told he has to take a test to see if he is mentally okay before they put him live on the air. “He must be hiding something,” I think to myself when watching at this point in¬†the movie (in fact, I’d predicted the ending by now – I’m smarter than the average bear. Take that in the beehive and smoke it, Yogi!)

“He’s the villain! never forget that!” says Fats to Ben (Manager)
“Well, Ben did play The Penguin in the old Batman TV series.” Says I, a BEAR

Where does he runway to? Another country? To squat in some abandoned hostel? To hideout at bear’s cave accommodation? No. No. No. He goes to the place where he grew up in when he was a little sprout. The first thing bear noticed was the idyllic surroundings. I mean, I’m not even there, but I sure as hell¬†would like to go fishing there (BEAR likes tranquillity, and could tell you that there are about enough fish for me to munch on in that big lake, for me to never go hungry again. Teach a BEAR to fish with his BEAR paws, and so doe thy bear never starve – a parable from the BEARble? Ok so why would he go back to this place, apart from the fact he grew up there, and that¬†it’s got a placidity and beauty encapsulate within it? Maybe, just maybe, it’s because his childhood-unrequited-love is still there. Her name is Peggy Ann, and they went to school together way back when. He thinks he has a chance doesn’t he? Wrong! He’s immediately cockblocked by her husband, Duke. Duke went to school with Corky as well, which adds salt to the wound/gets on his goat, etc. But he puts on the brave face and interacts with them, and entertains them a whole lot with that wooden-faced person he shoves his hand up of – Fats, the dummy.

Magic(Peggy Ann)

(Unrequited love?)

Corky¬†just can’t hold it together by this point, and this is when his manager (Ben, AKA The Penguin in Batman, AKA Mickey, Rocky Balboa’s boxing trainer) tracks him down and finds him in his cabin. He makes a deal with him: if he could go five minutes not being Fats’ voice, then he won’t have to see a psychiatrist. He tries to, but admits to him, “I¬†can’t¬†make it,” when only half way through the time. His manager leaves. Then the voice of Fats comes back into play, all guns blazing. Fats convinces Corky¬†that he has to kill Ben, or else the game is up. And like an obedient little dog Ivan Pavlov would have been ecstatic by, he does; and throws Ben’s¬†cadaver into the lake (weighing it down with something BEAR can’t remember). Later, Peggy Ann’s lover, Duke, is in a boat with Corky, and they fish on the lake. Duke reels in something heavy, and Corky starts to panic, making excuses to head back to the cabin. Luckily, it was just a boot; but then Duke spots a body on the bank. It’s Corky’s manager, Ben. Duke gets Corky to run back and¬†call for help, thinking that he might still be alive. Duke then goes back to Corky’s room, where Corky stabs him through the curtains (he was hiding the whole time).

I’d like to mention that I found the finding of Ben’s¬†body on the bank an unconvincing scene, in a film which I would still rate rather¬†higher, regardless. When Duke checks to see if Corky’s manager is still alive by checking his breathing and pulse, I can’t believe he thought that he may still be alive. All you have to do is look at the empty shell – he’s dead, Duke! Dead as the Dodo. Dead as a doorknob. Dead as…dead! I digress…

magic 1(Ben)

What could possibly happen after Ben¬†has been killed by Corky, as well as the love obstacle to his sweetheart, Duke? Well, dur – he tries to get with her. Pretty logical when you think about it really.¬†And¬†at this point, she’s already made her mind up to be with Corky, which prompts him to ask her to leave the lake and live with him,¬†some place else. The problem though is that she wants to say goodbye to¬†Duke before going, which means she’s willing to wait around for Duke to come back from his ‘little fishing trip’. “I don’t think Duke’s¬†gonna be coming back any time soon, dear – he dead,” BEAR snipes at the screen which moves like an unstable painting possessed by the underworld (TV?) Of course, they have to argue over this as Corky is anxious over the whole situation (well, he did throw his body in the lake, so…). She doesn’t want to see him any¬†more, and retreats to her cabin, locking herself in her bedroom so Corky can’t get to her.

Corky, back in his own cabin, gets lectured by Fats the dummy, and this evolves into the definitive outcome that Corky must kill Peggy Ann. Fats persuades him it’s for his own good, but Corky, though a servant to Fats’ will, is fighting this voice with all the mental strength he can muster. Even so, it gets to the point where he returns to her cabin, and he is waiting outside her bedroom with a flick blade in his hand. Can you guess what’s happening here? If you haven’t noticed thus far, this film is messed up, but BEAR can’t help but be intrigued by such movies – I don’t know what it is exactly, but possibly it’s ’cause I can see that Corky is a broken soul from the get go, and so feel pity for him. Also, because I could see it all from the start, it becomes like a weird in-joke to myself. A joke with no laughter, nonetheless.

He tricks her into believing that he’s left her cabin, and she opens the door. As she does, he remains hidden behind the corner, as we see her pick up a carved wooden heart from the floor. The heart, is ¬†a representative of his own heart. Corky is metaphorically giving her his heart, and he feels there is a victory as she has accepted his heart.

He returns back to the cabin, and tells Fats that he couldn’t kill her–because, she accepted his heart–and instead, as¬†he is aware how distorted his reality has become and how dangerous he is, he instead has stabbed himself. The interesting thing with this scene is that Fats thinks he’s dying too. Yes, Corky has an understanding that Fats is just a voice in his head he cannot control, but at the same time, Fats has a mind of his own. It’s like Corky has compartmentalised himself to the point they are two people, but he can still see they are one and the same – both parts of him. And so they wonder to each other who will slip away first, and the film ends there.

This film is an insightful look on the fragility of the human mind. How one person, because things don’t go their¬†way, may react in varying degrees of aggressive behaviour, as exemplified in¬†the first open mic scene¬†in Magic, and with the killings of Corky’s¬†manager, and Duke. All Corky really wants is to be accepted, to be loved, and he tries to achieve¬†this by trying to entertain… because he knows if he shows his true self–the insanity behind the mask of the¬†dummy–no-one would want to stay around. In a way, we are all like Corky: insecure, human. Yes, he’s a psycho, granted, but he essentially needs what¬†everyone else wants: love, and acceptance. I’m over simplifying things here, but it’s apparent to me that Corky represents a broken individual so fixated on fame and adoration, that he doesn’t realises he’s on a downward spiral until it’s too late. I’m not saying his desperation for fame gave him his illness, he already had it – his pursuit for fame¬†just exacerbated it and magnified it x1000. Corky’s self-defeating attitude towards¬†rejection (or perceived rejection) from others is the unravelling of his illness .

In conclusion, Magic is a film I would definitely watch again, for it has moments of brilliance in it, and a gripping, engaging story to boot (even though BEAR sussed the end twist fairly early on. No, I’m not bragging, just stating the mere fact).

I reward Magic 8/10

Make Readers Suffer—Great Fiction Goes for the GUTS

Figuring out your character’s personal problems (GUT) will definitely make your stories have more depth and seem more real. Excellent advice.

Kristen Lamb's Blog

Image courtesy of Reuters. Image courtesy of Reuters.

I hope everyone had a FABULOUS Christmas and is enjoying this wonderful time of the year. Holidays bring family and friends together and usually? This equals CONFLICT. Use it. Eavesdrop. Great writers make a MESS because that is what is the heart of the best stories. The uglier the better. You will one day be grateful for that seriously jacked up childhood.

Sally forth!

I think it‚Äôs fair to say that writing a novel is no easy task. There is a lot to balance at the same time‚ÄĒnarrative, setting, dialogue, POV, plot points, turning points, scenes, sequels, character arc, etc. It can be very challenging for even the best of us. Yet, I believe the hardest part of writing fiction is that, for most of us who aren‚Äôt crazy, conflict is something we avoid at all costs during our daily lives.

In fiction? We must go…

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BEAR Reviews… 3 Iron

BEAR review intro pic - DVD scaled to 30(resize button mode)

Welcome human people! I am BEAR, and my week was fine thank you. Every film review will have spoilers, so SPOILER ALERT: THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SPOILERS IN THIS BLOG. PERIOD. BEAR can’t tell you what to do – you are your own human person, and I am my own BEAR, with my BEARclaws and my BEARnessnessnesses. This has been an automated BEARmessage.

BEAR Reviews… 3 Iron

The film opens of a static shot of someone (not seen yet) hitting golf balls into a practice net. BEAR is perceptive enough to spot the subtext here (domestic abuse) as behind the net is a statue of a stone woman. Look even closer and you will see that this is a stone lady who comes to represent Sun-Hwa. If you’re asking yourself, “BEAR, how do you know that this is an omen of what is to come when it hasn’t happened yet?” then BEAR will provide you with a simple explanation: BEAR has seen this movie before. NOTE: I like to refer to myself as BEAR sometimes, just to remind you, a human person, whose words you are reading – the words of an actual BEAR!

Next, we are introduced to Tae-Suk, a young drifter who goes from house-to-house, pinning flyers on the doors. He assumes that, if no-one takes the flyer off after some time has passed, then that means nobody is currently living there. He breaks in (Tae-Suk¬†is also an expert lockpicker) and then roams around the property, nosing about, having a shower, having a kip, and taking selfies of himself by random stranger’s possessions. This young man sure¬†knows how to make himself at home. BEAR thinks this guy has some ballz for doing such novel trespassing – if I, a BEAR, were to do that… actually I don’t even know how to use a photocopier, so no I wouldn’t even try.¬†What I find strange about this character is, even though he breaks into people’s houses, he fixes stuff, makes the place look tidy (when there is no need to) and cleans their clothes. Sure, the toy gun we see him fix in the first break in¬†was for his own amusement of using it to shoot balloons in the house, but you can’t help but think what he might be thinking. Perhaps, Tae-Suk–even though he breaks into houses–is a kind soul, and wants that kid to be able to have a toy gun that does what it is suppose to do – he is thoughtful (or perhaps, just lacking respect). Either way, when the owners come back to the house, the kid inevitably picks up the toy gun, and shoots his mother¬†in the face with it.

chap 1chap1chap1onechapone

Driving down the road, after leaving that family flat, Tae-Suk stumbles upon the house where he blocked a businessman from getting out of his driveway. He looks at the door, and lo-and-behold: the pizza flyer is still there. He goes in through the back gate.

As he strolls through the lavish garden, it becomes apparent to the viewer (which is BEAR) that the man hitting golf balls into the net earlier lives here (hence the golf practice net in the heart of the garden). What I, a BEAR, wasn’t expecting was that there was someone present in the building.¬†Tae-Suk assumed wrong, also.

At first, Tae-Suk is unaware of the young woman’s presence – even when he opens the sliding door to the bedroom she is in, he did not see her. I, BEAR, did see her, and also saw that her face was badly beaten up. But what was most interesting was that the young woman, did not even attempt to hide her presence. Of course, we the audience can guess that though she is perhaps hidden by the wall when Tae-Suk opens the bed, all he would need to do is crane his neck the other way to see she is there. BEAR finds this highly peculiar… but in a good, cinematic way.

She doesn’t even mind him being there. In fact, she seems to feel safe around him, but not safe enough to let him know that she is there. So what happens is that she observes him: how he cooks, how he is respectful of her possessions, cleans her clothes, etc. and all without revealing herself. It’s kind of poetic, BEAR thinks, because her wealthy husband has a coffee-table book of her in naked poses, whereas in this odd, undefined relationship between two strangers, we have a different relationship – a relationship that only she can know of – a secret relationship. She does not reveal herself… yet.

She watches him through the glass, practising his golf swing with her husband’s golfing equipment (picking up the 3 iron!!), she watches him have a bath, fixing her scales – it’s like her fantasy lover! (BEAR believes this is what is at the core of this movie. If you don’t agree thus far – read on and BEAR will prove you wrong).

And finally, at the end of the day, whilst Tae-Suk is masturbating over the image of Sun-hwa – she reveals herself. The phone rings (as it did before), but this time she answers it. Tae-suk is about to leave, and then Sun-hwa screams down the phone, hanging it up. He looks at her as if to say, “What are you doing with him – he did that to you, didn’t he?” and she just looks back, defeated. He leaves.

chap2chaptwo chaptwo22chap2two2

When the Sun-hwa’s husband comes back, he yells at her and treats her like dirt… then apologies. But the damage done to this poor girl is already cemented–it’s become their routine–and Tae-suk knows this, and is spying on them as the events unfold before his eyes (through the glass of the back door). And then, he tries to force himself on her, but she pulls away, which results in him¬†slapping her, proving his previous apology to be highly fickle.

The husband then realises there is someone playing golf in his backyard. He goes outside to confront Tae-suk, who decides to unleash his 3 iron expertise on his woman-beating sorry ass. He hits golf ball after golf ball into him, making sure he feels intense pain, just like how he made his own wife feel pain. Tae-suk stops after spotting Sun-hwa watching him through the glass. He keeps the 3 iron, and picks up the last golf ball, and makes his silent exit. BEAR likes the use of the statues again: notice how the lion looks like it is resting it’s¬†paw on the husband of Sun-hwa – that’s symbolic, no? (see picture below). Notice also, how when Tae-suk is looking through the glass, how the target poster of the practice golfing set is superimposed over the husband’s head. The director, Kim Ki-Duk, is definitely a¬†glass¬†act, in BEAR’s book.


In 3 Iron, anything and everything associated with golf is symbolic of violence. Note how later on, how Sun-hwa stands in the direction of Tae-suk’s ‘swing’ – he has no intention of hurting her, but she has grown dependant on such violent¬†behaviour. And when the device Sun-hwa has made breaks loose (he screwed a hole through the ball, and wrapped metal wire through it, so he could tie it around a tree, or a lamppost, to practice his swing), the golf ball¬†goes through a windscreen and badly injures a person. What this signifies BEAR does not know, but it could mean that violent energy is violent; and no matter how well you can restrain yourself, it will come out one way or another, and potentially hurt those around you.

Tae-suk looks after Sun-hwa, and they break into a house to spend the night. Their relationship is cute, almost fairytale, or dreamy, in a way. But this time, they get rumbled by the house owners, and the man of the house gives Tae-suk his best ‘swing’.

chap4chap4four   chap4four4chap4four44

And it all goes well… until it doesn’t.

Eventually, their luck runs out, and they break into a house where the person living there is dead on the floor. They wrap the body in a cocoon of bedding–out of respect–but fate is not on their side, as relations to the owner knock on the door, and find them in there. They immediately become suspects and are taken in by the police.

When in the interrogation room, the officer goes through the camera and flicks through all the selfies Tae-suk took of himself in people’s homes.¬†Sun-hwa is let free (she is on the missing person’s list), but¬†Tae-suk is being accused of murder, amongst other things. ¬†BEAR knows that he didn’t kill that man as he was already dead in the flat (turns out he died of lung cancer).¬†They even think he kidnapped Sun-hwa, which we know is not true either. And so, with the law not on his side (he knows how to make enemies with the wrong authorities – which is actually Tae-suk’s major flaw. If he¬†could just not respond to these aggressive types in any way, then he wouldn’t have ended up in a jail ceil.


And from this point in the movie, both Tae-suk and Sun-hwa are trapped in a situation neither can escape from… their current reality. Tae-suk is stuck in prison, whereas Sun-hwa is stuck with her abusive husband (which is her own type of prison). The only way either can escape their misfortunes is by imagining that they are with one another. Tae-suk, in his clastrophobic ceil, vividly pieces together the surroundings of Sun-hwa, until he can picture everything. But he starts off small: he practices imagining he can still play golf (in his cell), and that he can hide from the prison guard when they come to check on him (which results on him getting beat up).

It’s sad, but what can either of them do – they’re trapped! Prisoners of their own reality. So instead, they retreat into their fantasies, which is where they both coalesce and share together as one. Their shared hatred of authority is what makes their love for each other stronger. And they lived happily every after, in an unhappily made up world. Well… sort of…

To BEAR, the film suggests that Tae-suk is¬†now dead… but Sun-hwa isn’t told this by her husband – he says that Tae-suk¬†is ‘set free’. The ghost of Tae-suk¬†continues as before, visiting old haunts, getting revenge on the officer who ruined him. The soundtrack creates this really spooky, paranormal vibe, which is so hard to ignore, that you can’t help but think that this has indeed happened to Tae-suk – that he has passed on. Plus, the reactions of all the people thinking that someone’s watching them are all people from the old ‘haunts’ of¬†Tae-suk and Sun-hwa. Oh, and the “floaty” style the camera takes on implies it too (though it is subtly used).


It’s hard for BEAR to tell if Sun-hwa is seeing Tae-suk’s ghost, or that she is in fact imagining he is there, but BEAR thinks that is the beauty, and tragedy of the situation. Such pathos.

This film is everything BEAR can ask for in a film, and BEAR can sum it up in one word: Magic (with a capital ‘M’). Not many films can make me feel such a variety of feelings, and also make me truly ponder the existence that we live in. This is what BEAR calls a masterpiece of cinema. Breathtaking.


This film gets top marks from a BEAR:


BEAR Reviews… Scream

Welcome human people! I am BEAR, and my week was fine thank you. Every film review will have spoilers, so SPOILER ALERT: THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SPOILERS IN THIS BLOG. PERIOD. BEAR can’t tell you what to do – you are your own human person, and I am my own BEAR, with my BEARclaws and my BEARnessnessnesses. This has been an automated BEARmessage.

“Everybody dies but us. We get to carry on and plan the sequel, ’cause Let’s face it baby, these days, you gotta have a sequel.” ~Stu (a character in the film)

“I disagree.” ~BEAR (The writer of this film review blog)

A question for you:

What do you get when you mix a multitude of horror movie clich√©s with an abundance of name-drops to previous horror classics? You get Scream, of course. My second question is: did you not read the title to this entry? No? – Shame on you, but you are forgiven. Yes? – Oh well, please forgive BEAR. You do? Great. We continue…

The first thirteen¬†minutes of the film are, in my BEAR opinion, the best part of this film. That’s not to say the film as a whole is rubbish (because it’s not – I, a BEAR, was quite fond of this cheesy little number) it’s just that BEAR believes it is… neat! It begins with a girl, home alone (I don’t know her name – BEAR doesn’t give a BEAR-care about names, just the story and how BEAR feels when watching the story… plus… she dies in this scene, so what’s the point? What BEAR does remember is that she is played by Drew Barrymore, so BEAR was expecting her to be the protagonist, the main star of this film; but alas, BEAR was wrong. I liked how it messed with my expectations, so kudos). This girl picks up her house phone to engage in a call with a mysterious guy caller. She ends the call abruptly several times – this first starts off as a flirtatious interchange between them, until the mystery caller lets slip that he is watching her. The mood then switches to trepidation, and the girl locks the french doors. BEAR did find it amusing that there were no curtains to conceal any windows, and that the girl didn’t JUST HANG UP TO RING THE POLICE!!!!! But BEAR also understood quickly (I am smarter than that Yogi Bear) that this film was¬†bound to be cheesy, as the movie quickly established that fact. I also was amazed she never took the pan of popcorn off the burner when she had the chance. Her parents would have been thankful to her, even though, inevitably, she would have died by then.

After doing an eight-second news research on Scream, BEAR found out that Scream is being turned into a new Scream TV show… and they’re going to re-enact my favourite part of it! BEAR can’t help suggest they use Drew Barrymore again to play that part as she nailed that whole scene the first time around. Note: BEAR sometimes likes to say silly billy things. And this is a nice segue to…


Yes, after Drew Barrymore’s boyfriend gets disembowelled in a chair, in the garden, and her character is hanging [tough until the director said ‘CUT!’], we move to a scene where Billy scares the B-Jesus out of the real protagonist:


They are boyfriend and girlfriend, in this film. And throughout the movie,¬†Sidney doesn’t trust him on so many levels (BEAR update: it’s two levels, in fact).

And as that meme above clearly shows – the killer in the film is not one, but two human people!!! The guy holding Sidney is obviously Billy (see previous meme¬†before the one above), but who is the guy with the gun? Why, it’s none other than Sidney’s-best-friend’s-boyfriend, Stu.¬†BEAR can see that he hasn’t talked much about Stu, and his girlfriend¬†Tatum, and has no intention to do so. I am a living, breathing BEAR, and like you I can’t just stay¬†on the internets 24/7… I will however say that Stu is like a timid cat compared to Billy, who is the dominant cat who gets the (s)cream. Yes, I’m punny! I also want to mention the hilarious scene where Tatum goes to get alcohol from the garage, and then finds herself trapped in the cat-flap, only to be crushed by it as the masked murderer opens the garage door. (The cat-flap was part of it. I… you’ve seen this film haven’t you?) One more shout out: The Fonz was in this! He helped move the film along by being killed by the Ghostfaced Killer (also a good rapper), and getting the majority of the kids to leave the party to help move the movie along swiftly to the finale. Happy days…

All the way through the film, I (with my BEAR¬†logic) thought it was Sidney’s dad who was the killer. He’d¬†left Sidney, his daughter, all¬†on her own as he went to a hotel airport to tend to some “work business” stuff. This confused me, an actual¬†BEAR, because if it was a year-to-almost-this-day that your wife had been brutally killed, you wouldn’t leave your beloved daughter home alone, would you? I mean c’mon – I’m a BEAR, and even I know that. It’s just not on! But then I remembered this is a film, and I must apologise to you bloggers and blog readers: sometimes this BEAR gets emotionally sucked into this make-believe world a tad more than the film doctors ordered. (No, I don’t have a film doctor, because they don’t exist… I think). Where was I…

So yeah, Sidney’s dad deserves a slap ’cause he left her vulnerable daughter alone around the anniversary of her mother’s death. But it’s not just him: her friends all seem to take the Mickey Mouse out of her too. As does the whole school. I mean, some pranksters wore masks, and in my BEARbook, that is a poisonous berry you should not indulge in (Note-to-self: visit the berry bush around the corner from my cave after I’ve finished this entry). ¬†How can you human peoples be so cowardly and hurtful to each other? Please, please, just love one another, okay? We are only on this planet for a short timespan, so could we all just get along and enjoy the party of life? Party… hahahhaar… Aha! They invite Sidney to a house party don’t they? This moment¬†was the facepalm of the film for me.

Who invites someone to a party around that time in someone’s life, especially a friend? It makes me think that this girl Sidney must have done something rotten to all those she loved before I started watching, and I have no idea what she did because she seems like such a lovely girl, and… I’ve forgotten it’s a movie again, haven’t it?

Even though Scream is most definitely a cheese-a-thon, BEAR had a great experience watching this human film. I loved it… but I hear that there is not just one Scream, but several more. NO! Stop it! You don’t throw more cheese on cheese. When I’ve eaten a belly full of berries, I don’t immediately go, “Damn, I must eat more, more, more, before Joseph TheBerryBandit¬†comes and steals my berries. You don’t need to worry about other people copying Scream if that’s what you’re worried about film maker humans: the original is always the best in my book. Unless, it’s about another issue unrelated to that, like money

The amount of references to previous horror films in this, you would have thought this was Quentin Tarantino’s wet dream. And I liked it! Not the inducement of a director’s subconscious ejaculation, but the way the characters in this¬†highlighted¬†the flaws in horror films, and using it to justify things that happen in the film. For example, Billy says to Sidney, “Corn syrup: the same stuff they use for pig’s blood in Carrie,” when she thought that he was stabbed to death in the bedroom.

Does this BEAR like Scream? Hell yesh! This film works for BEAR because it is so confident in its own cheese; and¬†because it this, it is definitely BEAR’s cup of tea. It’s definitely not BEAR’s favourite film – nowhere near (BEAR’s fav¬†film is ****), but it is sure a fun, lighthearted, slasher movie, with sentiments-to-the-horror-genre-that-spawned-it turned up to 11. So…………

Overall, I give Scream:

I’ll leave you with the death scenes:

Continue reading

Introductory BEAR Hello (from cave)

This blog is all about FILMS FILMS FILMS!!! Рmy feelings and interpretations towards them.         ~ A BEAR

Greetings!!! (from an undisclosed location). I am incognito and will be for a very, very¬† long time. It doesn’t matter why I am in hiding, or what I am hiding from. I repeat: IT DOESN’T MATTER!!! …Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you, please forgive me? Good. Let’s move on. I am living in a cave – that is all I am willing¬†to say for now. My name is ****, but for the sake¬†of my safety, I will go by the pseudonym: BEAR. This¬†is very apt as I am indeed a BEAR, and indeed creative with my wordplay (N.B there are thousands of BEARS in the world, so what chance have they to find me… *laughs gradually more¬†unconvincingly to oneself*)

Because of my insomniac tendencies, I have lost the ability to hibernate at all, and now rely on the BEARilliance of human peoples posing in front of things that record life (Kam-ma-ma-rahz?). Films! Movies! I love them. If I could, I would BEARhug all my DVDs to death. But of course, DVDs are not living entities in themselves – they just exist in this reality. In another life/dimension, I believe there’s a human ‘me’, trying to communicate with BEAR ‘yous’ (like that guy in Grizzly Man)… but what we have in this life will suffice for now.

You might think it strange for a BEAR¬†to blog, or for a BEAR to be interested in films, or for a BEAR to want to interact over the internet with human people… but life is strange, and I’m strange, and you’re strange, and we should bond over shared passions, forgetting our problems and fears, and just unite¬†through the love of films. ¬†~ Another quote from BEAR

I should explain briefly why I–a BEAR–can talk like Yogi BEAR. Firstly, I’m typing, not talking. Secondly, Yogi BEAR is a fictional character, a cartoon LIE! This BEAR is real, people! I have an emotional craving for films, DVDs (sometimes, I eat them like Quavers). Intellectually speaking, I am abnormally advanced for a BEAR, and this came about because I was experimented on by a mad fu… I’ve said too much…

Basically, this blog is dedicated to films, from a BEAR who loves all kinds of movies. So please BEAR with, as it is kinda hard to type with phat clunky claws in need of a manicure.

That is the intro. over – from this point onwards it’ll be BEAR VS. FILM… BEAR CRITIQUES MOVIES, BEAR EATS DVDS, etceteRO0O0OOAAAAAHHhhhh!!!!. That is all. Peace!

(Please note, any pictures of bears in this blog ARE NOT OF ME!!!! They are a representation. Period.)